You Have the Expertise. Why Doesn't the Client Choose You?

QUESTION 1 OF 7

You speak in front of a lot of different audiences. When someone is choosing an expert - for example, a lawyer - what do they decide in the first 30 seconds, and what is that expert completely unaware of?

It could be how they talk, how they walk, how they present themselves. If it’s all aligned - congruent - it works. And if it’s not, something gets missed. You want to trust the person. What builds that trust is their expertise in their field, how they communicate with you, and definitely the personal aspect.

Now, when you see somebody presenting, you may not feel that personal aspect right away because you don’t talk to them. But the moment you talk one on one, you feel the personality. Do you want to work with this person? Do you want to trust this person? And if you go deeper, there are two different things.

You may think: “They’re maybe not the nicest person ever, but they’re very smart and experienced, and they will get the job done.” And you say: “Okay, I’ll think about it. I don’t need to live with this person forever. I don’t need to communicate with them forever - but I’m going to trust them. They’re an expert in their field.”

Or, second: “I really love the communication. I really want to talk to this person. And they’re going to make me feel comfortable sharing my ideas and what I want to do.”

QUESTION 2 OF 7

Experts love talking about degrees, experience, and results. But what do clients actually hear instead?

From my perspective: don’t tell people how great you are - tell people how you can help them. When you introduce yourself, is it going to be about you or about them? You can say, “I’m an expert in cybersecurity,” or, “I help people when they have problems with security or privacy.” One is about you, and the other is about them. That’s one part.

The second part: we’re all smart, we all watch too many movies, and we all don’t like car salespeople - people who become very slick. Adjust yourself to the other person. If the other person is high-end, drives an expensive car and dresses in a suit, you should appear at the same level. If the other person dresses casually, you want to be aligned in how you dress and how you look.

It also depends on where you’re going with this. Do I know who I’m going to meet? Or did I just meet you on the street? Or did I come to present at a conference and know nothing? The idea I’m giving you is for when I have no idea who I’m meeting. That’s why I’m talking about how you introduce yourself and understanding what kind of audience is coming. Research always helps.

Let’s divide it. If I just met you on the street, I’m dressed as I’m dressed. I’m doing what I’m doing. If I came to present at an event, I can research the event: who is going to be there. Or I meet you one on one, and I’m trying to work with you. Different situations, different things.

“Don’t tell people how great you are - tell people how you can help them.”

QUESTION 3 OF 7

What do experts say to sound credible that actually makes clients disconnect?

This could be a couple of different things. One is appearing too smart, too cocky: “I am so great, so amazing.” Everybody wants to express themselves, and everybody wants to be heard. If you, as an expert, just talk about yourself and don’t listen to the other person - what they need, how you can help them - they’re going to feel disconnected.

Active listening, empathy, curiosity - it’s all part of this. And if you put them in a line, you start with curiosity. Do you genuinely care about the other person, or are you just here for the money? People will feel it.

When you care about the other person, you start engaging in active listening. Many experts, when somebody speaks, are already thinking about what they’re going to say instead of actively listening and understanding the person. And when active listening kicks in, empathy kicks in as well.

When we talk about empathy, in most cases it’s about something bad that happened. But it can also be about something good. Maybe you got married. Maybe you won a vacation. You need to understand, care, and listen to the other person to build empathy. And then we create personal connections.

When we talk about experts, at least for now, we’re talking about a human being. It means people buy from people. In the future, maybe something will change, and AI will buy from AI. But that’s another story.

QUESTION 4 OF 7

Was there a time when you or someone you know chose not the strongest expert - and why did that happen?

Definitely - and it relates to how long I need to spend working with this person. I have several examples. I spoke with someone who was very, very smart, but it was all about them: they told me how they work, how they operate, how they do things.

What it says is: you’re so good that you only want to work with people in a certain way. But if you need to work with this person for a long time, will that be okay? Or do you also want them to adjust to how you work? It comes back to trust: “Okay, I’m going to trust you because you’re going to do this work.”

Take a plumber. They come, they fix the problem, and they go away. I don’t need to talk to them for a long time, so I want the expertise. But if I’m talking to a consultant or a lawyer - somebody I will need to work with for a long time - I want to make sure we can talk, communicate, and understand each other.

I may choose somebody with fewer credentials, but I will align with them, I will understand them much better, and we will be able to work together much better.

It’s not just empathy - it’s the communication part. Because we’re all different, and it’s all related to guidance. Take different ethnicities: people from India, Ukraine, Israel, Europe, Russia - we’re all a bit different. In Israel, for example, people interact with each other in a way that’s totally fine there; in other cultures, it may not be.

If we cannot establish how we communicate with the other person - what works, what doesn’t - it’s going to be very hard to work together. But if we find common ground and understand how we guide each other, we will be able to work.

A good expert will suggest to the customer how to work together: how they operate, how it’s better to give them information, what to do. Some people need time to read all the documents. Some people will ask you to tell them the story - what you need, how they can help you. It comes back to connecting with people in their own way: how they consume information, how they understand each other.

QUESTION 5 OF 7

When a client says, “I need to think about it,” how can an expert - for example, a lawyer - understand what’s really holding them back, without being pushy?

Now we’re talking about sales and closing. There are many books about this problem. You can be a bit arrogant here and say: “I understand, but I also value my time, so if you want to work with me, I’m happy to work with you.” That’s a bit pushy.

Ask instead: “How can I help you remove or reduce your problems? What are you missing - is it the price, is it the approach?”

Some people are afraid of missing out. Some people are afraid it’s too expensive, or they didn’t like you. They’ll be nice and tell you, “I need to think about it,” but in reality, they’re not going to buy from you. The other part: if you really need to think about it, I suggest booking time with them right away - the next conversation - so you’re able to close the deal.

It’s not asking about money. Just ask: “I understand - we all need to consider. Can you tell me what’s bothering you? How can I help? Is it my approach, is it something else, is it how we work? Talk to me now, so I understand what’s missing. What is missing from what we spoke about that would let you sign the deal or work with me? What needs to change?”

This is a different problem. It’s not about the expert - it’s about us being human beings who don’t want to hear “no.” Think about it differently. You’re calling people, selling them something - a flight, a car. We spoke about car salespeople. Let’s say I tell you: “Yes, I’m interested,” but I’m kind of shy. You call me again and again. We talk and talk. Six weeks pass until you understand, as an expert: this is not going anywhere. You just wasted six to eight hours of your life.

Would you not prefer to ask me in the first meeting: “Evgeniy, is something missing? What can we do? Is this even something you want to do, but you just need more information?”

The sooner you get a “no,” the sooner you’re available to do something else. Think about questions: there are yes-or-no questions, and there are open-ended questions.

When I tell you, “I need to think about it,” you could say: “You don’t like my service?” That’s a yes-or-no question, and it’s pushing. Or you can ask: “What is missing? What needs to happen for you to close the deal or work with me?” That’s an open-ended question.

People are shy about doing this - it’s harder. But if they value their time - and they should, if they’re an expert - they should learn to deal with “no.” A “no” is part of the process. It’s like dating. You date someone: do you want to wait until they tell you something, or do you want to say, “Okay, it’s not going to happen. Let’s move on”? Nothing bad happened.

“The sooner you get a ‘no,’ the sooner you’re available to do something else.”

QUESTION 6 OF 7

For an expert who knows their subject but struggles to connect with clients - for example, a lawyer - what’s one practical change they can make tomorrow?

As easy as it sounds: every time you do your groceries - and I hope most of us do - try to talk to the cashier. Have the idea that you want to make the cashier smile. Whatever you say doesn’t matter. You may never see them again, but try to have a conversation. The idea is: you make her or him smile, and it lets you practise communication.

When you’re standing in line somewhere, remove your headphones and talk to the people around you. Get used to the idea that you will feel a bit uncomfortable doing this. And eventually, the more uncomfortable you get, the more comfortable you become being uncomfortable.

QUESTION 7 OF 7

One last question: what is your one piece of advice for lawyers?

What I see: lawyers are very intent on talking to lawyers and hanging out with lawyers. But your customers are not lawyers. Learn about others. We spoke about research: if you have a customer who’s a golfer or a sailor, learn about other hobbies, other ideas. This way, you’ll have the language and the topics to communicate with them.

Even if someone says, “I don’t like golf,” it’s fine. Back to curiosity: you can always ask, “I personally don’t understand golf, but you like golf a lot. Can you tell me what you find so interesting about it?” You didn’t lie. You didn’t do anything wrong. They may tell you, and they may change your opinion.

And this can happen with football, sailing, movies, dancing - any topic. The broader your understanding of what’s happening in the world, the easier it will be to communicate with other people.